There was a time in my life when I looked outside of myself for validation, constantly seeking approval from others. I thought that if I could just get the recognition I was craving – from my career, from my family, from my partner, then I’d finally feel worthy. I thought “acknowledgement” was one of my core values. It wasn’t wrong, but no matter how much approval I got, that feeling never came. I was always left with a void, a lingering sense that something was missing.
It wasn’t until I hit a personal low – not just one, not two, but multiple breaking points hit me all at once – that I realized where the true issue lay. I wasn’t missing love from the outside world – I was missing love from within. I was pouring out care and compassion for others, but I had completely forgotten to show that same love to myself. I was highly critical of myself. Nothing that I did could meet my own standards. It was then that I learned one of the most powerful lessons of my life: the foundation of all healthy relationships, whether with others or with life itself, starts with the relationship we cultivate with ourselves.
the realization: turning inward
For a long time, I didn’t even realize how much I neglected myself. On the surface, everything seemed fine. I was living a busy life, full of activities, work, and social engagements. But underneath, I was running on empty. I had nothing left to give, not even to myself. The stress of trying to keep up with external expectations had drained me emotionally, physically, and mentally. And yet, I never stopped to ask myself what I needed.
It’s funny, isn’t it? We’re so quick to ask others what they need, to offer our love and support, but when it comes to ourselves, we don’t even pause to check in. We run on autopilot, ignoring our own needs, our own desires. And over time, that neglect takes its toll. We start to feel disconnected, frustrated, maybe even resentful, but we don’t always know why.
It wasn’t until I embarked on my healing journey that I learned to carve out time for stillness. During these rare moments where I stopped moving, stopped trying to impress people around me, it hit me that I had been waiting for others to fill the void I felt, but no amount of external love could ever fill that space. Only I could do that.
relearning how to love myself
The idea of self-love can sometimes feel abstract, maybe even unattainable, especially when we’re in a place where we feel disconnected from ourselves. But self-love doesn’t have to be this big, elusive concept. It’s not about being perfect, and it’s certainly not about ego or selfishness. It’s about honoring who you are, exactly as you are, and treating yourself with the same kindness, compassion, and grace that you would offer to someone you love deeply.
For me, learning how to love myself again was a slow process. I had to unlearn years of conditioning that told me my worth was tied to what I did for others or how well I met external expectations. I had to learn how to listen to myself again; how to really tune in to what I was feeling and what I needed.
One of the first steps I took was simply giving myself permission to rest. It sounds so simple, but for someone who was constantly in “go” mode, it felt liberating. I started checking in with myself every day: "How am I feeling? What do I need today?" Sometimes the answer was rest. Sometimes it was a walk in nature. Sometimes it was sitting down and journaling my thoughts and emotions. Whatever the answer was, I began honoring it.
the power of self-compassion
Another key part of this journey was cultivating self-compassion. We all have that inner voice that can be harsh, that tells us we’re not doing enough or that we’re not enough as we are. For years, I had let that voice run the show. It was constantly pushing me to do more, be more, and it never seemed satisfied with where I was.
But as I started practicing self-love, I realized how crucial it was to dial down that voice. Instead of criticizing myself for what I perceived as “failures,” I began to speak to myself with kindness. When I made a mistake, I reminded myself that I was human, that I was allowed to learn and grow. When I felt overwhelmed or exhausted, I gave myself permission to slow down and take care of my needs.
This shift in mindset – from self-criticism to self-compassion – was a game-changer. It allowed me to show up for myself in a way that I had never done before. It allowed me to nurture my own well-being and create a healthy, supportive relationship with myself.
loving yourself isn’t selfish – it’s essential
if you think loving yourself is selfish, I want you to start shifting that mindset. Loving yourself isn’t selfish – it’s essential. In fact, it’s the foundation for everything else in life. When you love yourself, you’re able to show up in the world with a fuller heart. You’re able to give more authentically to others because you’re not giving from a place of emptiness or lack – you’re giving from a place of wholeness.
Think about it this way: when you take care of yourself, when you nurture your own needs, you’re actually better equipped to take care of others. You have more energy, more patience, and more love to offer because you’ve first taken the time to fill your own cup. You’ve heard of “when mom’s happy, everyone’s happy”, right? It’s the same concept.
I used to think that constantly giving to others, even at the expense of my own well-being, was the ultimate act of love. But what I’ve learned is that you can’t truly pour into others if you’re running on empty. The more you cultivate self-love, the more love you have to give—not just to others, but to the world around you.
creating a daily practice of self-love
Self-love is a daily practice. It’s something we have to commit to, even on the days when it feels difficult. For me, that daily practice looks like starting my mornings with meditation to ground myself, and end my days with gratitude – taking a few moments to reflect on what I appreciate about myself and my life. It’s about setting boundaries and saying no when I need to, without guilt. It’s about making time for activities that nourish my mind, body, and soul.
And perhaps most importantly, it’s about embracing who I am in all my imperfections. As a perfectionist most of my life, this one is the hardest to shift for me, but I’ve learned to accept that I’m not always going to have it all together, and that’s okay. I’ve learned that I don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love – especially my own love.
More importantly, I’ve learned that there will always be days when it comes easily, and there will be days when it feels like a struggle. But the key is to keep showing up for yourself, to keep nurturing that relationship with yourself, even on the hard days.
Remember that you are deserving of love, not because of what you do or what you achieve, but simply because of who you are. So take time each day to honor yourself, to check in with your needs, and to cultivate a loving relationship with the person who matters most – you.
When you do, you’ll find that everything else in life starts to align. Your relationships with others will deepen, your sense of peace will grow, and you’ll walk through the world with a heart that is full and open to all the love that life has to offer.
You are worthy of love – especially your own.
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